Just over two years ago, I was well along
this new path of mine when I searched the depths of my being and asked myself “Do I really deserve to feel this good, this
soon?” This question bothered me for a while; I didn’t want to sound
ungrateful but I prayed hard for a humbling experience. I needed something to
keep me grounded. While in prayer, I expressed my deepest gratitude but still I
felt that I had not done enough work to feel as good as I did. Moments after
that prayer I looked up into the sky and saw two hawks flying overhead. I’ve
always considered the sighting of a bird of prey a good sign but this time,
these two hawks were sending a message. Never before had I seen two hawks that
close overhead. Minutes later, I received the call informing me that I had
secured what was the first of what I hope to be many writing contracts. Through
my tears of joy and laughter, I looked up into the heavens and said “Yeah, REAL humbling!”
Last November, on my Mom’s 56th
birthday, I was hiking in search of some sage to bundle. It was late in the
year, so there wasn’t really much worth harvesting. As I made my way back to
meet up with my family, I considered taking one last trek up the hill, As soon
as I decided to head away from the hill, 4 quail shot up out of the brush, then
a few more. Quickly I armed myself with my camera in hopes of getting in a few
good shots. I gave chase back up the hill to no avail, those little buggers
were in the air for 20 feet, running on the ground for another ten and before I
knew it, they were long gone, leaving only blurred, unidentifiable images on my
camera screen.Only after I took my eyes away from the horizon did I realize what message our State Bird was sending. I found myself standing in the middle of what was surely the best patch of sage left in the area! After spreading some tobacco and offering prayers of thanks; I did my harvest and went along my way, grateful for yet another message from above.
I often pray thanks for those who’ve been brought into my life; friends, confidants and spiritual advisors. I guess you could say I’m a people person. But in a way, I tend to trust wildlife more than humans. Not all of course but to use an example, my wife and I were talking the other day about her fear of reptiles. I replied with “I’d trust a rattlesnake more than I’d trust 90% of the people in our neighborhood.” Reason being; with wildlife, you know what you’re in for. Except for cases involving apex predators who also happen to be carnivores, NO wild animal is out with deliberate intention to harm a human being. Sadly, the same can’t be said for some humans.
This way of thinking also finds a parallel in my spiritual life. I’m no Dr. Doolittle, but I have received more than one message from animals over the years. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m totally untrusting of humanity. After all, one of my closest friends and someone who at times unknowingly has helped me strengthen my spiritual path and consistently inspires me to be a better husband and father is a Giants Fan. If that ain’t trust, then there’s no such thing! But at times, I’ve given time to certain churches and when the plate goes ‘round, I cannot help but wonder; is this money going to help spread the word of God, or is it going to the gas tank in the pastors’ Mercedes? Or, did he drive the Range Rover today? I guess I’m such a child of the 80’s that when I see a potential next Jim Bakker or Jimmy Swaggart, I immediately suspect an ulterior motive. And don’t get me started on those Westboro whack jobs.
I know that many people mightl not agree with what I share and that’s fine with me. Getting others to agree is not and has never been my intention. But what I am trying to do is share what works for me. Not to say it may work for others, but it is my hope that others may be inspired to seek what works for them. And what works for me is rooted in my Christian upbringing and is heavily influenced by Native customs; both growing ever and equally stronger within me. Were you aware that one of the big reasons Indians were called “Savages” in the early days of this Nation was because their languages had no word for religion? This is because every act, every breath of every day was an act of worship. Makes ya think, doesn’t it? Or at least I hope it does.
This brings me to the moment that inspired this blog. Yesterday My Wife, Our Children and I were celebrating Joseph’s 5th birthday. They were enjoying this warm day by the pool while I walked my sacred trails at Indian Hills Camp in Jamul. As I often do, I prayed throughout most of my hike. I prayed thanks for the day we were celebrating; I prayed thanks for the memories of years past, I prayed for guidance on this day and all days to come. When I got to thinking of the years past spent here with my family, I found myself talking to my Mom and my Grandpa Joe. Before long, the tears started flowing and I dropped to the ground; grief stricken by how much I miss them. My tears were flowing like Jamul Creek does in the spring and I was literally sobbing out loud.
This feeling is with me every day but it triples whenever I’m there. I knew it would pass but I had no idea how. Usually, it passes with a burst of joyous laughter and this occasion was no different. As I tried to compose myself for the walk back into camp, two doves flew right over my head.
Doves.
The symbol of peace.
I’m more of a hawk & hummingbird guy but there is no animal that could've been a better messenger for that moment. I didn’t hear a voice booming from the heavens, I didn’t hear trumpets blaring. But as I spoke to two of my angels, those two doves brought me peace. It’s as if they said “be at peace” and that’s exactly what happened.
This time around, the sage was even drier than it was last November. I had long since given up on finding anything worth harvesting.
But wouldn’t you know it, after the doves flew over my head, after I composed myself and started back down the trail towards my wife and children, I found what was likely the last tiny bit of harvest-worthy sage.
Enough for two bundles…
See you on the trail,
Rudy
