An Awakening

Last night I read a blog detailing the life experiences of a person who has had more than a fair share of hurtful, negative and downright tragic moments. As I pored over a veritable laundry list of recounted experiences, I falsely assumed it was a compilation of the experiences of several people. Horrified as I was, I was even more horrified to learn these were the experiences of one person. I wondered how many other people I knew who have had similar experiences. I wondered why they were never talked about. And I wondered why though I had heard of similar things in the news and in the wind over the years, they have never affected me until I read that blog.

The last question answered itself before I finished asking it…

I know the person. I know the person’s hopes, dreams and goals. I know the person has risen above past circumstances and I know the person has done so for one reason and one reason only. This person has made a stand, this person has spoken up and this person has refused to allow anything get in the way of achieving peace.

I read and re-read the piece. At last count, I have read it over a dozen times in the past twenty-four hours and each time I read it, a million thoughts and twice as many emotions come pouring out of me. In the past few years three books have changed my way of thinking. One is affectionately known as “The Big Book.” Reading the Big Book and applying its principles in my life led me to another book; “The Traveler’s Gift” by a man named Andy Andrews. Through that book, I read a book written over eighty years ago by a man named Napoleon Hill, “Think and Grow Rich.”

As I read them, strange things would happen to me. Strange in that they felt natural, strange in that they hold the wisdom of universal truths, during a time in my life when truth was unnatural. I don’t know a whole lot about auras and universal energy, but if someone in the know was observing me as I read, they would surely have seen a plethora of colors surrounding me.

Still, nothing I learned in those books that could have prepared me for what was to come when I read that piece.

It made me think of how I was verbally and emotionally abused for things my father did before I was born. Then I thought of the kid I used to sit next to in third grade, whose pencils I used to steal and drawings I would rip up, just to make him cry.

It made me think of hearing my mom come late at night from work, exhausted and crying and of how I felt there was nothing I could do to soothe her. Then I remembered the time in church camp when I played a double entendre-laden song from one of my favorite hair-metal bands and “dedicated” it to a girl my age, and how she ran away crying and embarrassed.

It made me think of how I swore I would never grow up to be like my dad. Then it made me think of how I would fly into a drunken rage whenever one of my sons did something I perceived to be wrong.

It made me think of the times I wished I was physically beaten instead of verbally ridiculed, even at a young age I knew that physical wounds heal much easier than emotional wounds. Then I remembered we weren’t supposed to talk about emotional wounds. And depending on my reaction, talking about it sometimes led to physical punishment.

It made me think of how my grandfather dedicated his life to God, Country and family; he truly was a man who lived for the common good. Then I remembered the time I drew some very offensive symbols on the back door of a church, just because I was into some bands who sang about some of the darker elements of human nature.

It made me think of these things, and more. It made me think of some of the things that were done to me and it made me think of some of the things I had done. But most vital of all, it made me think.

I thought about how when I hear Elton John on the radio, I don’t hear a gay musician. I hear a human musician.

I thought about that time I helped a young mother bag her many groceries at Food 4 Less. I wasn’t helping a Somali immigrant, I was helping a mother.

I thought about the homeless man several years ago, whom my coworkers and I gave the remainder of our lunches, three beers, about seven dollars in change and umm, half of an umm, “cigarette”. I wasn’t helping some bum, I was helping a fellow human in need.

While the earlier examples were from childhood, the three preceding examples were of people who I had at one time looked down upon in my adult life. I used to look down on many people. Still, there are aspects of my way of thinking which I need to change.

I cannot cure the world’s ills, but I can change the way I treat my fellow man.

I cannot change the way some treat others, yet I can change the way I treat both.

And if I can do it, anyone can.

We can stand against hate, we can stand against ignorance, and we can stand against fear. It’s no longer an issue of can, it’s an issue of MUST.

Every aspect of life, no matter how encompassing, is rooted in individual choice. As individuals, we rise up alone. As one, we can stand united.

As humans…

 “Be the change you wish to see in the world…”